no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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