wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
