You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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