i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
