ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
