she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
