I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were destined to go to rehab together
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
