every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
