no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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