your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
