Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
