Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk is a universal language darling
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