it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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