I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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