my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
