On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
