last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
