i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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