I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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