the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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