So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
