Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
