im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
