walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
