The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
