omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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