just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
