Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
