i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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