On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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