my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
