I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
