So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
