**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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