This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
