Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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