dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
