Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
