I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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