I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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