brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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