I got chris browned last night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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