Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
