Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
