brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
