I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
