I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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