you're like a bully in the Christmas story
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
