it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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