Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
